How Do I Human? And Other Questions I Can't Answer

Today we went to Brighton on the train. We made the brave decision to take both of our autistic kids out for the afternoon without the car…. no way to escape if it all went wrong. Thankfully it didn’t.

We don’t go out much as family, and when we do, it’s to do something without people around. A walk in the woods, a trip to a quiet part of the beach, or a short cafe stop at an off-peak time of day. Both kids (ages 6 and 4) find school to be overwhelming and don’t respond well to activities outside of school. They would much rather stay home in the quiet and avoid demand at all costs.

I don’t blame them, I’m the same after being around people.

Every now and then we test their limits. Conscious that staying home and watching Spongebob all weekend is great when it’s needed, but aware that boundaries and tolerance will change as they grow.

This weekend we had been wanting to make the trip to London to see the Christmas lights in Regent Street. London is something we hadn’t dared to attempt yet. The idea of dealing with a screaming meltdown in the middle of a packed crowd and home over an hour away by train made my chest tight with fear, but we still wanted them to experience the fun of getting out to witness a city during the festivities.

In order to scale things down considerably, we decided on a trip to Brighton instead. We could still travel on the train (which was the only bit getting the kids to agree with leaving the house), its only a 30 minute ride and size of the city is considerably smaller. Plus, the seaside is always a winner with our household.

The train ride was magical. Both kids were relaxed, yet excited by the rolling countryside and the interesting station names. It was nice to sit back and watch them so thoroughly engaged in a public setting. Surprisingly, they both coped pretty well with the busy streets of Brighton. A trip to the beach and a stop at a quiet pizza restaurant when behaviours started to flare prevented any major meltdowns. We saw the Christmas lights, threw rocks in the sea, stuffed our faces with pizza. It was pretty much the perfect outing.

Once we got home, I broke down. The internal stress of navigating a complex outing with no immediate escape had taken its toll. Managing everyones emotions and braced for chaos at any given moment, it wasn’t a fun experience for me. However, when preparing the boys for bed that evening, my 6 year old said “Thank you for the best day of my life, Mummy”.

A year ago this wouldn’t have been possible. It just goes to show that allowing our family to engage with the world in a way that feels comfortable leaves space for growth. We can try new things when the time feels right. It will be painful and possibly dramatic, but its worth trying. I hope 2026 will be filled with train rides and happy faces.