How Do I Human? And Other Questions I Can't Answer

The First Time Around

When my eldest started school two years ago, we had an inkling he may be autistic. Shortly after he began in Reception, his teacher agreed with me, and this started the referral process for assessment and additional school support.

Take Two: Armed with Experience

My youngest, E, is now preparing to start school this September—and whooooo boy, it’s a whole different experience. This time, I’m armed. I’m ready. From the moment autism was mentioned at preschool, I started preparing him for Big School. I’ve learned from experience just how critical it is to support an autistic child through every shift and transition — Parenting an Autistic Child Through Change dives into that need to anticipate and guide through each unfamiliar step.

We could see early on that E struggled with changes in routine, sensory issues, and a general sense of feeling unsafe in unfamiliar situations. Even as progress was made with the health visitors and he settled more into preschool, I knew the transition to school was going to require a full-on strategy.

Working Toward Readiness, One Term at a Time

E was only 3 years old and managing just three mornings a week at preschool, so I focused on building familiarity with the basics: using the toilet independently, eating lunch with others, taking part in group activities, engaging with children, and expressing his needs.

Together with his keyworker, we targeted one area each term. It was hard work. There were meltdowns galore and nearly daily chats with staff to troubleshoot and adjust. We repeated explanations and scenarios constantly — because repetition is everything when helping neurodivergent kids build confidence. The Power of Repetition has become one of my favourite parenting tools.

The SENCO Meeting – A Pile of Paper and a Lot of Hope

When school placements came out in April, I didn’t wait. I booked a meeting with the school SENCO, armed with preschool support plans and referral reports. I explained E’s needs and offered to help transition him myself—I’m a registered school volunteer, so I can be flexible.

To my relief, the response was warm and supportive. The school agreed he could transition slowly and that I could be there to help him settle. I was expecting to be told he’d need to start full time immediately. Instead, I got: “Let’s go at his pace.”

Building the New Routine Before September

Instead of extra visits this term, we’re starting small: waving hello to the Reception teacher during school pick-up and letting E hold hands with his big brother, H, as they enter together. The school run can be an exhausting battlefield with neurodivergent kids — this post about surviving it will tell you everything you need to know.

When I told E that Mummy could come with him to Big School just like at preschool, his face melted into a puddle of relief. Sometimes the “right support” is simply a familiar face nearby until he’s found his footing for the day.

Why Preparation Matters

He’s already making eye contact with the Reception teacher and saying hello. Six months ago, I never imagined this would be possible.

Having autistic kids is hard. Anticipating every challenge on the horizon is exhausting—but preparation makes the difference. It really does.

The work E’s preschool staff and I have done means he’s more in touch with his needs and has the language to express them. At this age, H was still hiding from every demand, which led to a traumatic school start. I have every hope things will be different this time.

Final Thoughts

Please know: most educational settings do want to help. If you come prepared and open, there’s often a way to work together. Yes, it will be hard. There will be tears and regressions and full-blown meltdowns. But the payoff? A happier, more confident child who knows themselves—and that’s a win worth fighting for.