How Do I Human? And Other Questions I Can't Answer

There I was, wandering the supermarket aisles, headphones in, half-listening to a podcast about yet another debate between globe believers and flat-earthers (yes, people still argue about this). It was all going smoothly—until I caught the chaotic train of thoughts bubbling up in my brain every few minutes:

“We need to hurry up because we have to pick up from preschool at 1pm.”
“No, he’s staying at preschool until 2pm now.”
“Okay… but there won’t be time for exercise now because we have to go out at 1pm.”
“No! There’s no need to leave the house until just before 2pm!”
“But something must be happening at 1pm, because I always leave the house for 1pm!”
“AARRGGGHHHHH, SHUT UP!”

I’ve always known I get irritable when my routine changes, but this was the first time I was consciously aware of the mental battle happening in real-time. My brain was refusing to accept that a simple shift—going out at 2pm instead of 1pm—was going to happen. The idea of not going out at 1pm just felt wrong, in the same way that wearing a left shoe on your right foot feels wrong. It was like a physical discomfort, a tension running through my entire body.

And then, suddenly, it all made sense.

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Brains Like Mine Don’t Like Change

The best way I can describe it is this: My brain is an old Land Rover, driving through the deep, muddy ruts of routine. The ruts are familiar. They keep me steady. If I stay in them, I know exactly where I’m going. But the moment something changes—when I’m asked to drive in a different direction—my brain meets it with sheer resistance. The wheels fight against the change. Then I’m sliding sideways through a puddle of sludge with no steering, panicked that I’m going to crash.

Logically I know that the change is a good thing, something I have been looking forward to, but despite my willingness and enthusiasm it’s frustrating and exhausting.

Autistic brains love routine because it creates predictability. Predictability means safety. When things happen in the same way, at the same time, my brain doesn’t have to waste energy figuring out what’s going on or preparing for surprises. This is why even small changes, like shifting a pickup time by an hour, can feel disproportionately disruptive. It’s not about the logic of the change—it’s about the internal sense of rightness being thrown off balance.

And that’s when it hit me.

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I Finally Really Understand My Kids’ Struggles with Change

Both my kids are autistic, and change is hard for them. When something shifts in their routine—whether it’s a different teacher, a cancelled activity, or just moving their bedtime by ten minutes—it often results in resistance, meltdowns, or general irritability.

And now, standing in the supermarket, debating the Earth’s shape in one ear while my internal monologue screamed about why I must leave the house at 1pm, I truly felt what they experience.

The irritability. The anxiety. The complete inability to just move on.

The big emotions. The distress that makes no sense to anyone else but feels monumental inside.

It was a moment of profound clarity. My kids aren’t just “being difficult” or “overreacting” when their routine changes. They’re lost. They feel unsafe. Their world isn’t making sense, and they don’t know how to navigate it.

I always knew they struggled. But now, I comprehend how they feel.

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The Emotional Fallout of Routine Change

Here’s the thing about these routine disruptions: the distress isn’t just an immediate reaction. It lingers. When my routine changes, I don’t just feel frustrated in the moment—I feel unsettled for days. It’s like my brain needs time to recalibrate, to carve out new mental “ruts” before I can drive smoothly again.

For my kids, this period of adjustment is even more intense.

I’ve noticed a pattern:

1. First, the panic – The “Wait, WHAT?!” moment when they realise something is different. This often involves a verbal protest, whining, or an immediate declaration that the change is impossible.
2. Then, the resistance – The desperate attempts to undo the change. “No, we always do it this way!” “It’s not the right day for swimming!” “But last time we sat over there!”
3. Finally, the adjustment (eventually) – Over time, once the new routine is reinforced enough, it stops feeling “wrong” and starts feeling “normal.”

But in the meantime? It’s rough. For them, for me, for everyone involved.

This is why we brace ourselves as a family whenever a change is coming.

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How I’m Learning to Manage the Chaos

Now that I better able to indentify my own needs and feel my resistance to change, I’ve been working on strategies to help both myself and my kids navigate it better. Here’s what’s been helping:

1. Acknowledging That Change Feels Physically Uncomfortable

For a long time, I thought my reaction to change was just me being dramatic. But I now realise that my brain physically resists new patterns, just like that tired old Land Rover trying to climb out of deep mud.

So when I feel that irritation bubbling up, I remind myself: This is my brain struggling to adapt. It will pass.

I tell my kids the same thing. “Your brain doesn’t like change right now, but it will get used to this new way.” Just saying that out loud helps make the discomfort feel less permanent.

2. Using Visuals and Timelines for Transitioning

For my kids, countdowns and visuals help a lot. If a change is coming, we talk about it in advance, mark it on a calendar, and give daily reminders as the day approaches. This eases some of the shock.

We reinforce the parts of the routine that are staying the same. The preschool pick up time might be different, but using the same repetitive phrases and arriving with the same snack as I always do helps to reassure that Mummy is predictable and safe.

3. Allowing Time for the “New Ruts” to Form

I’ve accepted that I can’t just force myself (or my kids) to instantly be okay with change. It takes time. We need repetition. Eventually, the new routine will become as solid as the old one—but we have to ride out the adjustment period first.

4. Being Kind to Ourselves During the Process

Most importantly, I’m learning to be patient with myself. My brain doesn’t like change, and that’s okay. I’m not broken, and neither are my kids. We’re wired differently, and that means we need different strategies to cope.

And if I need to take deep breaths in the cereal aisle while battling an existential crisis over a time change? So be it.

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Final Thoughts: It’s Okay to Need Routine

There’s a lot of talk about “flexibility” being an essential life skill, and while yes, adapting to change is necessary, I think it’s equally important to acknowledge that some brains thrive on consistency.

For neurodivergent people, routine isn’t just a preference—it’s a lifeline. It keeps the world predictable, manageable, and safe.

So, if you (or your kids) struggle with routine changes, know this: You’re not alone. Your brain isn’t being ridiculous—it’s just trying to navigate a world that feels a little too chaotic. And with the right strategies, support, and patience, we can find a way to make those transitions a little smoother.

Even if it means muttering, “It’s 2pm now. 2pm. Not 1pm. 2pm,” under your breath in the middle of Tesco.