How Do I Human? And Other Questions I Can't Answer

If you’re anything like me, you’ll know this scene all too well. You’re driving home, and the fuel light has been flashing for the past two days. You’ve passed several petrol stations, mentally prepping yourself each time to pull in and fill up. But as the station looms closer, you just… drive past. Again.

By now, you’re down to 5 miles of fuel. You make it home, but instead of relief, you spend the night in a spiral of stress, knowing you have to stop for fuel in the morning or risk breaking down. And yet, filling up feels impossible in the moment.

For years, I couldn’t understand why I’d only fill up at the absolute last minute. Adding kids into the mix only made this worse. Getting two babies in and out of the car turned what should have been a five-minute task into a sweaty, chaotic ordeal. The idea of doing that and navigating the petrol station forecourt? No, thank you.

If my husband was with me, I’d pass the responsibility to him. I’d strategically plan to fuel up during a family outing, so at least he could stay in the car with the kids while I tackled the pump.

Later, when I discovered I was autistic and ADHD, I came across the concept of transitions, and it all clicked.

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Autism and Transitions

Transitions refer to the process of moving from one activity, task, or environment to another. For autistic individuals, this can feel incredibly difficult and overwhelming, regardless of how necessary or even enjoyable the next task might be.

Why? Because transitions require a shift in focus, energy, and mindset. It’s not just about physically moving from one thing to the next—it’s about mentally bridging the gap, and that bridge can feel impossibly wide.

For me, staying in one spot or sticking with a single activity feels comfortable, safe, and far less draining. But moving on? That requires mental effort I don’t always have.

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Finding Solutions

Understanding transitions has been a game-changer for me. Once I realised what was happening, I stopped blaming myself for “laziness” or “procrastination” and started working with my brain, rather than against it.

Here are a few strategies that have helped me:

• Using music as a bridge
  I play upbeat music on my phone to create a sense of movement and energy. It acts like a mental handshake between the task I’m leaving and the one I’m about to start.
• Task grouping
  If I know I have to clean the bathroom, I bring everything I might need into the room in one go. This way, I don’t have to leave the space or transition between “gathering supplies” and “cleaning.” It’s one seamless session.
• Flexible goals
  When it comes to refuelling the car, I decide, “I’ll fill up at some point today.” I don’t pressure myself with a specific time or urgency. When the moment feels right, I take it—and I go. This has completely removed the overwhelming mental barrier of “I have to do it now.”
• Reframing tasks with incentives
  A surprising tactic has been using the kids as motivators. When I pick them up from school, I promise a snack from the petrol station. Suddenly, the focus isn’t on getting fuel—it’s on two excited little people bouncing in their seats, dreaming of crisps and chocolate.

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Why This Works

These small accommodations may sound simple, but they’ve transformed how I approach transitions. Refuelling my car is no longer a dreaded task I put off until breaking point. I feel calmer, more in control, and far less likely to spiral into stress. The same tactics apply to so many tasks in life and it’s almost joyful to find a way to cope better.

Whether or not you’re diagnosed as autistic, if transitions are a source of anxiety or frustration for you, finding ways to manage them could bring some much-needed peace to your tired brain. What works for you? Let’s share ideas!