There is almost always a meltdown after school.
The moment H walks out of the classroom, it begins. Floods of tears. Wailing. Falling to the floor. A complete and total giving up on life. Sometimes a hug and a snack pulled from my pocket are enough to bring things down. Other days, the meltdown spirals into aggression, lashing out, and absolute refusal to follow even the simplest instruction.
That’s when I’ve had to get creative.
What I’ve Learned as an Autistic Adult
As an autistic adult, I’ve noticed something important about my own meltdowns. The fastest way out of them isn’t logic or reassurance — it’s distraction through problem solving or humour.
If someone makes me laugh, or gives my brain something concrete to focus on, the emotional intensity eases. It’s like my brain needs a new track to jump onto. Once it does, regulation becomes possible again.
So I started experimenting with this approach for H.
An Epic After-School Meltdown
Today’s meltdown was a big one.
H refused to walk back to the car, screaming and lashing out at his brother. Nothing helped. He was completely inconsolable. The familiar knot of dread started to settle in — this was going to be a hard afternoon.
But then I remembered something important.
H currently has a fixation on filling our house with plants to “improve the air quality”. I have no idea where this came from, but right now, it’s his thing. And suddenly, a plan formed.
I got both boys buckled into the car. The screaming choir of distress was now coming from the back seats.
“Oh no,” I said, sounding genuinely worried. “Oh no… I don’t know what to do.”
“What?” came a small voice from behind me.
“I’ve just discovered we’ve got really poor air quality at home,” I continued solemnly, “and I have no idea how to fix it.”
The wailing stopped.
“But Mummy,” H said, “you just need some plants in the house, silly!”
“Really?!” I replied, spinning around in my seat. “That’s amazing… but where do you even buy plants from?”
“At the garden centre!” E shouted. “That’s where they sell plants and flowers!”
“Wow!” I said. “When can we go?!”
“LET’S GO NOW!”
And just like that, the meltdown was gone.
Why This Works for Us
Instead of trying to shut down the meltdown, I gave H:
- A problem to solve
- Autonomy
- A sense of competence
His brain shifted from survival mode into thinking mode. The distress didn’t need to be suppressed — it was gently redirected.
An afternoon that could have been miserable for everyone turned into an impromptu trip to the garden centre, and I am now the proud owner of a new house plant.
There’s No One Right Way to Handle Meltdowns
Every autistic child experiences meltdowns differently, and what works for one won’t work for another. For us, problem solving, distraction, and autonomy are the fastest routes back to calm.
It’s not about ignoring emotions or pretending they don’t exist. It’s about understanding how an autistic brain finds its way out of overwhelm.
I’m learning that meltdowns don’t always need to be fought — sometimes they just need a different door out.
How does your family handle big emotions after school? I’d genuinely love to hear what works for others.
Leave a comment