Having Another Go At The School Transition Drama.
This September my youngest, E, started school. After 2 years of struggling through the journey of discovering his autism, settling him at preschool and the nightmare of his older brother starting school, I was beyond stressed. What happened on that first day for E was big step in reassuring me that my instincts are right on the money.
E was two and a half when I realised he was autistic, like me and his older brother. I thought it had skipped him, but the pressure of starting preschool made the traits appear like a tiny bomb of emotion. I knew from that moment that I would need to start prepping immediately for the transition to big school. I was determined to coach him into confidence in all of the areas that would need to be mastered for him to thrive.
Read my post from before school started here: School Transitions Take 2: Supporting My Second Autistic Child
How School Transition Went The First Time.
My oldest, H, had just scooted through preschool and chose not to engage with much. As he was happy being left alone, it wasn’t seen as an issue. Unfortunately it meant the demands and social interations required at school were a complete shock, and the result was an absolute screaming shit show of a transition. I was determined this wouldn’t happen again, E was going to be ready.
Read about how Buddy The Bear helped us with this: Buddy the School Transition Bear: Helping Autistic Children Cope with Big Changes
The plan.
I knew this was going to be about repetition and helping E feel safe enough in the preschool setting to progress. Every half term was spent working on a different skill area in cooperation with the preschool, thankfully E’s keyworker was a superstar and happy to get on board.
We worked on the following:
Increasing hours – E was only there two mornings a week to start with, as this was all he could cope with. We had just over a year to work him up to full time hours.
Social skills – E liked to play alone and struggled to tolerate other children. We worked on introducing him to children with a similar playing style and encouraging connection through play.
Toileting – E was the type to hold it all in until he got home, regardless of how long he was at preschool. I decorated his potty and took it to preschool so we could encourage him to start toileting while in session.
School uniform – I started working on E wearing school uniform once he was offered the school placement. After a few weeks of encouragement he was wearing school uniform to preschool full time. This may have looked odd to others, but I knew it was a hurdle that needed to be cleared early.
Engagement – E would point blank refuse to engage with any of the preschool activities. He found them overwhelming and the close proximity of the other children was also a source of stress. We discovered that involving his special interest (construction vehicles) got him to the table and allowed him to engage in his own way.
Communication – E was almost non verbal when at preschool. He would either speak so quietly that no one could understand, or he would be so distressed that his speech was garbled. I understood it was essential to build trust with at least one member of staff to encourage his confidence with communiation. He was a chatterbox at home.
Getting familiar with school – We stopped in daily to speak briefly with E’s reception class teacher when collecting H from school. E would take along an item to discuss so the attention wasn’t on him. This also provide him an opportunity to share his interests.
The End of Preschool.
By the end of July, I knew E was ready. Despite the meltdowns, anxiety, tears and stress in getting him here, he had made incredible progress. E was confidently speaking to staff members and telling other children when he wanted to be alone. He was making cakes and going to forest school with the friend he had bonded with. He was attending full time and no longer collapsing into a heap of tears when we got home. He was happy.
New Beginnings.
As is very on trend for me, I got the start date of term wrong. E was starting 4 days after the rest of the school. We took this as an opportunity to practice one last time and so E arrived with his brother each morning, in full uniform and with lunch bag in hand. With permission from the school we hung up his coat and lunch bag, then popped into the classroom to put his water bottle in the right spot before collecting everything up again and going home.
On the official first day of school, I didn’t even get a kiss goodbye. My shy and anxious boy had sprouted into a Big School kid and he wasn’t looking back.
The Hard Work Continues.
Although we have experienced a positive start to school, this is just the beginning. E still requires a lot of support, but we have at least managed to avoid the drama and trauma that his older brother dealt with.
The Impact of Words.
I had been so busy internally working on how to prepare E that I didn’t stop to think about what this all meant for him inside his tiny brain. Thankfully he told me.
Throughout our preparations for Big School, whenever E was unsure or unwilling to do something, I would always say “It’s important that we do this now because you are practising for Big School. By the time you get there, you will know EVERYTHING you need to be confident.” This would usually get him to enagage and carry on.
A few days after starting school, I asked E if he was happy having lunch there. He replied “Of course, Mummy. I have done all the practising and I know EVERYTHING I need to be confident!”
It was at this point I realised I really can do this. My personal autistic experience has given me the ability to assist low support needs autistic children in tackling life head on.
I know what they need, because I need it too. Repetition. Preparation. Safety. Security. Love.
Leave a comment