This is our third summer holiday with the boys in school and preschool, so I knew what to expect from them. I had prepared for their autistic struggles with routine changes, energy crashes, and the general chaos that the end of term always brings.
But what I didn’t prepare for? Me.
Like many parents—especially neurodivergent ones—I tend to put the kids’ needs front and centre, leaving mine in a cupboard somewhere, gathering dust. So while I was focused on helping them ease into the summer break without overwhelm, I completely overlooked the fact that I was about to fall apart.
I’d even written a blog post a last month about how to prep for summer and look after yourself, but the needs of the kids took up all of my brain space and I was still put to one side!
Planning for the Kids’ Needs
The boys were absolutely shattered by the end of the school term. I knew we needed a soft landing into the holidays, so I cleared the first week of any commitments. No day trips. No visits. No plans.
Just:
- Duvet days
- Unlimited screen time
- Garden play
- Quiet time
- A complete pause on external expectations
It’s only been three days, but they’re already adjusting. Their routines are solid, and they’ve bounced back quicker than in previous years.
What I Didn’t See Coming: My Own Summer Meltdown
While they’ve begun to regulate, I’ve unravelled.
On the very first day, I tried to settle into work mode… but I couldn’t go five minutes without being asked for snacks, refereeing toy disputes, or having to emotionally validate someone because their favourite Hot Wheels car had vanished. My brain screamed:
“NOPE. This is all wrong. I can’t think. I can’t work like this. I need to escape.”
I knew—rationally—that I would eventually adapt to the noise and chaos, and settle into this new version of normal. But emotionally, I was overwhelmed. The transition to summer had completely thrown me off balance.
I find transitions incredibly difficult, read about how it affects me here: The Transition Glitch: When Autism Doesn’t Agree with Your Plans
Adapting the Environment (and Melting Down Anyway)
In an effort to regain some control, I created a new office nook upstairs. It’s not a closed door situation (I still need to hear what’s going on downstairs), but it gives me just enough separation to work in short bursts.
And still, I melted down again.
“This isn’t where I work. This doesn’t feel right.”
Even though I knew the change was helpful, my brain struggled to accept it. Sound familiar?
Don’t Forget That You Matter Too
Looking back, I realise that while I had spent weeks preparing the kids for summer, I gave zero thought to how I would cope.
What routines would I lose?
What sensory or emotional stress would increase?
What could I put in place to support me, not just them?
If I had taken some time to check in with myself and make changes in advance, I might have caught this sooner and avoided the crash.
If You’re a Parent, Especially a Neurodivergent One—Please Listen:
Your needs are just as important as your children’s.
When you’re unsettled, overstimulated, or emotionally overwhelmed, that impacts the whole family. If you don’t take care of yourself, you can’t show up as the version of you that your kids need.
The summer holidays will settle eventually. But don’t ignore the now.
You matter too.
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