For a long time, every time my autistic needs surfaced in a situation — whether it was too loud, too overwhelming, or just not right for me — I felt a wave of panic.
I wanted to say no. I wanted to set boundaries. I wanted to remove myself. But instead of honouring those needs, my brain would shout back:
“Stop it. You’re being unreasonable.”
“You’re making things harder for everyone.”
“Don’t be so dramatic — you’re overreacting.”
The urge to people-please and turn on that autistic masking would kick in hard. I’d hide the fact I was struggling and go out of my way to cater to everyone else — even if it meant shutting down completely afterward.
Why Autistic Needs Get Dismissed — Especially By Ourselves
After decades of being told my reactions were too much, that my preferences were difficult, and that I needed to “get over it,” I internalised the message that I was the problem.
This isn’t uncommon for late-diagnosed autistic adults. We’ve spent years masking and overriding our discomfort to blend in, to survive, and to avoid rejection.
But just because we’re used to hiding our needs doesn’t mean those needs aren’t valid.
Reframing the Panic: It’s Not Unreasonable — It’s a Neurological Response
Now that I understand why my brain responds the way it does, I can pause, breathe, and say:
- “I’m overwhelmed right now.”
- “I need a moment to process.”
- “I’m not okay with this situation, and I need to step back.”
I don’t have to explain my entire sensory profile on the spot. I just need to be honest and give myself permission to honour what I need.
What Actually Happened When I Started Setting Boundaries
I thought I’d be rejected — that friends and family would roll their eyes, label me selfish, and push me away.
But instead, I was met with:
- Compassion.
- Respect.
- A clearer understanding of what I need to thrive.
In fact, setting boundaries and avoiding situations that drain or dysregulate me has improved my relationships — because I’m no longer spiralling silently or hitting neurodivergent burnout behind the scenes.
You’re Not Selfish — You’re Autistic
It’s easy to feel guilty or dramatic when your brain reacts in unexpected ways. But the truth is: your comfort matters.
You’re not “demanding.” You’re not “too much.” You’re a person with a different neurological setup — and that’s allowed.
So next time you hear that inner voice trying to shame you into silence, remember this:
It’s not your job to be uncomfortable so everyone else can stay comfortable.
Honour your needs. You’re not being unreasonable. You’re being you.
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