We’d been looking forward to this change for weeks. The grown-up bedroom was moving downstairs, and the boys were upgrading to the bigger bedroom upstairs — more room for play, less noise for us, and shiny new “big boy” beds ready to be built and jumped on.
It was a proper family project. Furniture was dismantled, a king-size mattress was hauled downstairs with more drama than an Olympic event, and enough dust was hoovered to question our life choices. By bedtime, the beds were assembled, thoroughly tested (by jumping), and the usual nighttime routine began.
No one actually slept — but that’s standard in our house.
The Glitch Hits
Around 10pm, I started yawning and told myself it was time to head to bed. But… I couldn’t move. The idea of sleeping in the new room downstairs made my whole body scream nope. Something just felt wrong. I sat there frozen, mentally circling the same thought: That’s not your bed. That’s not your room. Abort mission.
I gave up trying and crashed on the sofa instead, knowing from experience that I’d adjust in a couple of days. I just needed time to mentally process the change.
Then I heard the unmistakable sound of small feet padding downstairs.
There was my six-year-old, wide-eyed and confused.
“I can’t sleep up there, Mummy. I really tried, but the new bed feels all wrong and the room is different. Can it go back to how it was before?”
I couldn’t help but laugh. Of course he was glitching — we were both autistic, and we had just completely flipped our familiar safe spaces upside down. How did I not see this coming? We’ve been through this so many times already…
Supporting Each Other Through Change
After a quiet chat about how I was also struggling with the change, we agreed to sleep downstairs together for the night and help each other through it. The next morning wasn’t perfect, but it was softer. We’d acknowledged the difficulty and faced it together — something I’m constantly reminding myself to model for my boys.
It’s easy to forget, when you’ve made exciting plans, that your autistic brain may need a moment (or a week) to catch up. Change, even when it’s good and long-awaited, can still trigger discomfort and dysregulation. The same applies to our kids — and sometimes, it’s nice to be reminded of just how deeply we understand each other.
Reflection:
Transitions are tough. Exciting plans don’t always feel good right away — and that’s OK. As autistic adults parenting autistic children, we’re constantly navigating our own responses while holding space for theirs. But when we’re honest about our own struggles and offer support without pressure, that’s where the magic happens.
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