The day started innocently enough: a quiet house, a warm coffee, and the comforting nonense of a podcast debating whether the earth is flat in the background. But that serenity was shattered by a sound I’ve come to know all too well—wailing from upstairs. As I paused my podcast and set down my coffee, I braced myself for what I knew would be a challenging day. That sound wasn’t just a cry; it was the tell-tale emergency siren that my autistic three-year-old had hit his limit.
A Familiar Scene
In the early days of school and preschool, mornings often looked like this for both of my boys. Tears, resistance, and a general air of chaos were the norm. Everyone was on edge, barely holding it together. Over time, adjustments to the routine at school and at home helped mornings become calmer. But on rare occasions, when the wailing started the moment eyes opened, I knew exactly what it meant—it was about overwhelm.
Take last Friday morning as an example. My youngest had just completed a week of staying at preschool for lunch for the first time. He loved the social aspect and the novelty of sandwiches with friends, but the change in routine was exhausting for his little brain. His cereal was suddenly “wrong.” His socks were “offensive.” Even his beloved Paw Patrol episodes were causing a meltdown. These weren’t just gripes—they were signs that his nervous system had reached its capacity.
The Case for Time Off
In situations like these, some might argue for toughing it out. Life is full of challenges, after all. But when I see my kids this dysregulated, I choose a different path: I keep them home.
Why? Because I’ve learned that when my children hit their emotional limits, pushing them further often backfires. It doesn’t make them stronger; it makes them crumble. Dysregulation compounds over time, and allowing for a pause—before things spiral into full-blown burnout—helps them recover faster and prevents longer absences in the future.
Understanding Their Needs
Each of my boys copes differently when they’re overwhelmed. My five-year-old thrives in quiet and solitude. For him, recovery looks like curling up my office with the door closed, often zoning out to Minecraft or a calming activity.
My three-year-old, on the other hand, needs connection and movement. He’s a sensory seeker who finds comfort in physical stimulation. Cuddles, squeezes, and active play help him recalibrate. On mornings like this one, I alternated between work tasks and giving him the sensory input he craved. By mid-afternoon, he was laughing, playing, and ready to rejoin the world.
Changing the Narrative on Strength
We live in a culture that glorifies perseverance and “pushing through.” But I’ve found that taking a step back is often the most effective way forward. When my kids’ needs are met in moments of overwhelm, they recover more quickly and are better equipped to tackle challenges the next day.
This approach isn’t just for kids. As an autistic adult, I’ve found that allowing myself to rest when I start feeling the wobble of my nervous system has been transformative. Instead of spiralling into weeks of dysfunction, an couple of hours resting on the sofa with a crap horror movies I have seen a million times, means I bounce back with renewed energy.
Trust Your Instincts
If you’re a parent debating whether to keep your child home from school or preschool, it’s worth asking: What’s more important—attendance stats or your child’s mental health? Schools often prioritise the former, but as a parent, you have a clearer understanding of what your child truly needs.
Short absences, when used strategically, can be a powerful tool for avoiding long-term issues. They can prevent your child from reaching the point of no return where they become unable to cope with school altogether.
A Message to Schools
It’s time for schools to recognise the value of proactive breaks. Parents shouldn’t feel pressured to send an overwhelmed child into an environment that will only exacerbate their stress. By working together, families and schools can create plans that prioritise the child’s well-being while maintaining educational progress.
Closing Thoughts
The next time you’re faced with an overwhelmed child who’s struggling to start their day, trust your instincts. Recognise the signs of dysregulation and consider the long-term benefits of taking a step back. Sometimes, the strongest thing you can do for your child is to give them the time and space they need to recover.
By honouring their limits, you’re teaching them to honour their own—and that’s a lesson far more valuable than perfect attendance.
Leave a comment