When my kids started preschool, I realised I was not your average parent. While some might feel overwhelmed by behavioural challenges, I go full Poundland Sherlock Holmes. Every issue sends me into a whirlwind of research, piecing together clues and obsessively problem-solving. I’ve come to embrace this as my way of supporting my kids.
But not every parent approaches school challenges this way. I overhear parents exhaustedly saying things like, “I just don’t know what you want me to do?” at drop off. It breaks my heart to see other parents upset and feeling lost, often alligning with the common misconception: that parents can’t do much to help address challenges at school. What on earth can you do when you aren’t physically there to help handle the issue, right? The truth is, while educators are vital, parents are the ultimate experts on their children—whether they realise it or not.
Behaviour Isn’t Random—Parents Hold the Clues
For parents of neurodivergent kids, behaviour can feel baffling or even random. But in reality, it’s a form of communication. As parents, we instinctively adjust our parenting to accommodate our kids’ needs, even if we don’t recognise it as a strategy.
Think about it:
- That one fork that stays in the drawer because it’ll trigger a meltdown.
- Distracting your child with a dinosaur impression to get their socks on without tears.
- Enduring hours of Bluey on repeat because it keeps the peace.
These aren’t just survival tactics—they’re informed responses to your child’s unique needs. At home, you spot patterns, predict meltdowns, and adapt to avoid them. Without even realising it, you’ve created a manual for understanding your child.
Educators, however, often only see part of the picture. While parents witness the buildup to a meltdown—a sleepless night, sensory overwhelm, hunger—teachers may only see the “outburst” in isolation. This disconnect can leave educators feeling unsure of how to respond and parents feeling unheard.
Why Collaboration Is Key
When parents and schools work together, they can build a clearer picture of the child’s needs, helping educators provide a more supportive environment. But this requires open communication and a shift in mindset.
Parents Are Essential Partners
Your insight is invaluable. For example, if your child struggles during noisy group activities at school, share how you handle similar situations at home. Do they need quiet time before group tasks? Do noise-cancelling headphones help? The strategies you use daily could be game-changers in the classroom.
Educators Want to Help
While it can sometimes feel like schools aren’t interested in accommodating your child, most educators genuinely want to help. They understand that a supported child is happier and more engaged, which benefits the entire classroom.
How to Start the Conversation
Feeling like your child’s advocate can be overwhelming, especially when you’re navigating diagnoses, referrals, and endless paperwork. But starting the process doesn’t have to be daunting:
1. Observe and Document
Start by writing down what you notice at home:
- What triggers meltdowns?
- What calms your child?
- Are there sensory or communication issues at play?
Bring this information to meetings with educators. It can be a revelation for them to see the bigger picture.
2. Focus on Practical Solutions
Share actionable ideas. For example:
- If your child struggles with transitions, suggest a visual schedule or a five-minute warning.
- If group settings are overwhelming, propose a quiet corner where they can decompress.
3. Build Trust With Educators
Approach conversations with empathy. Instead of focusing on what’s going wrong, frame discussions around finding solutions together. For example:
- “I’ve noticed my child gets overwhelmed at lunchtime. Could we explore strategies to make that time easier for them?”
4. Explain the Link Between Home and School
When my child was struggling at home, it was often a direct response to unmet needs at school. Once we worked with the school to put the right supports in place, we saw improvements both at school and at home.
Teaching Kids to Advocate for Themselves
As kids grow, helping them identify and express their needs is a powerful tool. While this is especially challenging for neurodivergent kids, it’s worth the effort.
- Model Emotional Awareness: Use language to describe their feelings, e.g., “It looks like you’re feeling frustrated because it’s too noisy in here.”
- Practice Advocacy Skills: Encourage them to tell a teacher when they need help, e.g., “Can I have a break?” or “I need my headphones.”
By teaching these skills early, you empower your child to advocate for themselves as they grow. If your child doesn’t comprehend why they feel the way they do, or recognise the signs of an impending meltdown, they can’t reach out for support.
Overcoming the Overwhelm
Being the parent of a neurodivergent child often feels like running a marathon through a maze. There are endless support plans to navigate, meetings to attend, and hurdles to overcome. It’s easy to feel exhausted and underqualified.
But here’s the truth: You are your child’s best advocate. You don’t need a psychology degree to share what works at home or to open a dialogue with teachers. Even small changes, like using specific sensory tools or adjusting classroom seating, can have a huge impact.
Final Thoughts: Your Child’s Biggest Champion
Supporting an autistic child at school is a team effort, and as a parent, you’re the most valuable player on that team. You have unique insights into your child’s needs and behaviours that educators simply can’t replicate.
Starting a conversation with the school might feel intimidating, but your voice is powerful. Whether it’s scheduling a meeting, sharing observations, or brainstorming solutions, every step you take brings your child closer to the support they deserve.
Remember: you’re not just a parent—you’re a detective, an advocate, and your child’s biggest champion. That makes you more than qualified to tackle these challenges head-on.
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